LonELy LiFe

I have to let you go now. You don’t love me. Even if you think you do, it’s just not there…not really. You called me things, like stupid, selfish and boring…talking to the dumb kid. But I’m none of those things and I still believed you when you said them. Both of us were wrong and if I didn’t recognize that now, those things you said would be true by now.

The fact is, I know you didn’t mean them to be the way they are, or maybe you did, but I can’t change that, and still, those words border emotional abuse. That’s not love and I won’t tolerate it. For someone who "wants me more than I know" those aren’t the right words, but you said them anyway. People who love each other and make it are the people who know how to push each other’s buttons and just don’t.

Of course it’s not just about that. It’s because you don’t even try, if I was something you wanted, you would. You might take the time, if I were really something tangible to you, and you’d have a vested interest in my "getting better," something I really need support and council and help with right now. But you do what you do and say what you say…you throw me to the side until you feel like it and nothing changes.

Unfortunately that’s not good enough for me. Not when you then expect me, on your whim, to take my clothes off and be apart of you…let you into the deepest part of me and be closer with me than any other man I know.

A I know it’s my choice. I wanted you there. That doesn’t make it right. I can’t do that anymore, knowing the things you think of me. I won’t wait for you to miss me like some sort of reward, and then in the same breath be punished when you don’t feel like it.

Even if it does make you angry to hear it, you punish me that way; withholding telling me things that might make me smile because in your eyes I’ve screwed up again, thought too much of something you said, or too much of myself that I would think I deserved to hear anything flattering from you. But I do deserve better than that.

For the record, you are a hell of a guy, just maybe not the guy for me. Even though I thought so. Even though I might still think so. I really did love you, unconditionally, with all that I was. If you could see me writing this then you might even know that I still do, the difference is, I just can’t anymore.

For the record, I’m sure gonna miss you. Good luck with everything. I know you’ll turn into something beyond amazing, and take all the opportunities in life you deserve to have. Thank you for your time, and thank you for making a difference by being who you are.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough. Goodbye

Purity once had a name,
And beauty once had a face.
Life once had a meaning,
And once I was safe.
Once there was freedom,
And once I could laugh.
Happiness once was alive,
And once I had another half.
Once I shared her love,
Once I was by her side,
Once I felt I fitted,
So quickly that died.
Her grace so great,
Her beauty so vast,
All I ever wanted,
Was for it to last.
Fate maybe had another plan,
Or maybe she had another love,
But it all fell apart,
The hand too big for the glove.
Now it’s all died away,
Happiness, joy, love; all memories.
Now I walk alone in this dark, dark world,
With no light to guide my way.